update.

wow...i havent done this in a while. well to whoever reads this, here it goes. the first semester is finally done, but a part of me wishes it wasnt. still wish i could have another shot at calculus and not get a D. but thats life right. if you slack off and try and coast by more times then not you're going to get bit in the ass. i have heard back from three of the five schools that i applied to, nothing exciting just cal states and one out of state school. right now it looks like im going to end up going to cal poly slo if i dont get into uw and if my D doesnt effect any of my admissions which i really hope it doesnt. but i have a feeling it might and i will end up at ivc or someplace like that. but i guess if that happens i wasnt meant to go anywhere special.

so with the start of second semester also comes the start of my baseball season. right now having practice 5 times a week for 3 hours plus, along with work outs 3 times a week, has really taken its toll. i find myself coming home and relaxing for an hour or two and then passing out and not doing any hw or studying. good thing im a second semester senior, right?! :P

also lately i have come to realize that i've sort of become a loner in a way. i find myself going home to eat lunch instead of going off campus, signing onto aim but not talking to anyone, and i also find myself not texting as much as i used to. is it because i have shut myself off to people i used to text and talk to or is it that people just dont wanna talk and text me like they used to? its interesting. i think its a little both. also i pictured second semester as a time of going out all the time with friends, but i find myself more often then not sitting at home bored. do i have a group of friends that want to hang out with me? or do i just have acquaintances that i talk to at school and then once the weekend rolls around im not needed? i know i have a small group of friends that will call to hang, but then i have some friends that i think are friends but really they might just think of me as an acquaintance. hmm...its hard to tell.

last couple of thoughts. can i be trusted with information? i think i can, but maybe thats just what i say to myself and others to get them to tell me things and then go and tell other people that im not suppose to. i hope i dont do that but maybe i do O_o ?? hmmm....? anyways last thought.....with college just around the corner most people i talk to keep saying "oh im going to meet someone in college" and im sure they will. but idk thats got me a little worried. i mean i figure if im going to get married the best chance for me to find someone is in college because once i graduate its going to get harder and harder. but recently certain situations have made me wonder if im capable of "woo-ing" a girl. (that sounded really lame) but i mean im too shy to go up and talk to an attractive girl, so if they dont talk to me (and why would they) i will probably never talk to them, which is sad i know. but i just dont have the...confidence you could say in myself to strike up a convo and be "charming" and dont even get me start on how i would even begin to understand certain signs a girl is giving off (if she is giving off any to begin with). its just a mystery. i mean how do certain guys just have the ability to strike up a convo and be charming? ehh....this is something i have been trying to figure out of a while now. i mean ya good looking guys have it easy. girls just want to go up and talk to them. but if i cant come up with a clever way or an excuse to strike up a conversation girls will just not even bother. its just the way of life i guess. oh wells.

well thats what ive been thinking lately. it made for a pretty long post. lol.